im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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