so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
A+ Viking dick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
