Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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