i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
