My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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