I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
