Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think a kid would responsible me up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
