Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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