she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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