he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
