I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
