I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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