is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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