you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
