I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
