she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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