Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
