You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize