i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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