I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize