I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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