i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm eating all of the evidence.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
