my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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