Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
