I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
