he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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