theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
