Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
