Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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