Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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