I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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