The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
