found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
