the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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