I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize