I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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