Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
