Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
