sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
