Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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