Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
