Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
