I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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