OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let's paint friendship bongs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize