Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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