your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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