May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
NoShamevember. You game?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Panties = found
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
