happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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