I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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