I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
