We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
