How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
