So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
