normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
