Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
