If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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