Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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