i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
