Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
