I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The struggles of a small town man whore
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
