I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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