Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're my little dorito
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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