Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
