why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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