ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
